Already one year

I am reconsidering writing on this blog because the imagery on this blog is more true to form of the social analytical representation of my life. The pictures I have posted say who I am. I am a post modern disenfranchised American, voter and hippie. Now I am 51 yrs old and I have been writing on www.janelovesbranden.blogspot.com for a year. I somehow gravitated back to that page due to sign in accessibility, etc.

I have been in a student teaching program since Sept. 7 and most of my free time has been usurped with academic related activities like lesson plans, grading, and strategy. Whatever extra time I do have goes to playing Fairyland on FB, talking w friends, going to church and hanging out with my son.

This morning, I forgot my briefcase in my car and had to step out of the aptmt at 4:40 a.m. to get it on a rainy Los Angeles street. I could sense a change on earth because of my restlessness in sleeping. The earth can wake you up like that. I retrieved the briefcase and now am wide awake at yet another sleepless hour of 5:49 a.m.

I am getting tired and dropped in for any passerbyers to say "Read my blog." When I graduate in 2 weeks I am restoring my efforts on my White Bear Lake novel and my Milwaukee 14 screenplay.

I am in a fairly decent relationship now. There is a wide age difference but I am trying to put that aside.

Final decision

I guess this is going to be rather raw of a discussion. this blog is not about the Native American actor - I am prefacing that. Contrasted to my recent experience with one famous person in my life, I am towing the line of a romantic vein with a talk show radio host in L.A. who is on the polar opposite spectrum of my political views. The romance is fun. The ability of myself to hold his attention is trying. Which leads me to believe, why the HELL AM I DOING IT? Even if we were to have one chemistry filled date of opposition attraction and fantasy contrast, it would be self destructive. I don't hold him in my own moral barometer and he would eventually piss me off. I have spoken to him for over one month now, every friggin day. I am enjoying it but want to stop before it becomes a sad ending. He is not my hero. Hillary Clinton, JFK, RFK, JFK JR, Teddy and Barack Obama are my heroes. I respect his point of view. I respect him holding his own. But hard work alone doesn't have to make you conservative and idealistic. He is just a man who got somewhere. And I sure as hell would not write a book called "Stupid White Women." He wrote a book called "Stupid Black Man." That alone is derogatory towards a race that has SUFFERED. Who is he to inject his moral compass into the hearts of those people who struggle. Al Sharpton didn't end up the way he did because he had an easy life. He may be overly vocal like Rev. Jackson, but out of America's struggles, Preachers like that will rise. I just don't think in the end, it would work out even though I know for sure we have a sexual connection. This is my coming out week and I would only want to sleep with him because he is well known, sad to say.

When two lives intersect (revised)

This is my own Private Idaho...where I work things out....I am not afraid of my public persona nor do i hunker down like a criminal in an alley when someone confronts me about a difficult portion of my life. Does anyone know how Satan works? He binds you, shames you, guilts you, and when you submit to his power, he limits you. I had an experience this week that rattled my cage. I felt like a chunk of my life was infringed upon and I was being dictated how to handle it. I inadvertently found a phone number to a former Hollywood star that I had once been close friends with. A light bulb went off in my head that I should have segments of his life and movie career on my radio show and decided to pursue it. I asked the mother of his child - is this still X's number? She said yes. I called X and told him I was planning on covering a certain topic on my radio show and would he participate? If he was mad at me, I told him not to call me back. About a year ago, I confronted him in a private message about his disproportionate ego to his fame factor, and apparently, he had a good memory. Although we have shared a lot of good times together and once were even closer, I didn't think he would trip over the suggestion. I thought he would jump at a chance to look good. Apparently, his view of how others see him is as bad as the days when he was residing in a motel doing crack and alcohol. His backup job was recently suspended due to his friend going out of business. Many elements of his life would be ripe material for a made for t.v. movie - disenfranchised Indian never fully adjusting to the demands of the modern world and his fame ebbing and flowing like shrinking landscape that impairs his identity in the modern world. But the worse part about this process of trying to engage the subject matter is his fear and how he imposes his will on others through pushiness, exaggerations and misrepresentation. My friend, W.H. and I were the bailout team for X in the worst moments of his life in the last six years. While I knew him, I never put an onus on him or told him I wouldn't accept his friendship if he wasn't sober. I never had a reason to make those demands because I had nothing at stake. I was his theatrical director - not his wife. Its just with his over reliance on everyone around him, he twisted the importance and prioritization of his friends. I think he never fully listened to the gospel of Christ. He put Christ in the category of all the things the White People did to screw up his way of life but most of the damage came from his own parents who drank heavily on the reservation and beat the hell out of him. He has scars to prove it. So when does the watershed begin while concealing one's greatest pain? Due to the bossy treatment of me by his close relative and his whininess of going to her instead of me, I am doing a radio show anyway about his life, good or bad. Why are they in fear? Because of the power of truth telling although it was never my intention to harm him. But he harms me and others by defying everything he ever knew and basically denying his own existence and those who co-existed with him. When his friend near Palm Springs wouldn't continue to be his friend if he drank, I had to cover up for him. When he asked me not to mention certain things, I didn't. When he brought up inappropriate topics outside my religion by suggesting sex more than once even when I was so beyond that, he continued in that inappropriate vein until I made it evident I had no interest. Don't put a value label on my experience with this person. It was what it was and the story is significant in itself without others shrouding the truth. Just because my life has evolved into a position of having public air time and a talent to reveal stories, I should not be punished for that, now should I? Your experience does not mirror mine. My life is not accountable to you, only God. I am sorry, I.E., that you are chained to a false presentation of what truly happened or protect what will happen. The truth comes out, good or bad, and I have no need to exploit anyone. I am glad there is no one in my life to have a choke hold around me, censoring my speech and playing nice so I can get eventual child support. My son's father lives in Africa, and I send money to him when he needs it because he is in a worse situation for me. I don't wait for baited breath for that eventual child support that will never come. What a false pride to even think a person like ____(X) is even capable of it? Live and let live. We all make our beds, but can you lie in them? Don't limit my experiences and stories I share. By advising ya'all I was doing the show, I was giving you a proper heads up, not sending a death threat. Is the revelation of your life a death threat? What are you going to do on judgment day when all your actions will be accountable? There are no publicists in heaven or tainted media. There is God and you. Now face it like a man.

Joseph Runningfox -Excerpt from The Life of Joe Runningfox by Jane Hoffman

Have you ever met someone who was on the same page for 15 years after seeing the light because they revised their version of truth? Someone whose perspective was so genuis and incredible but were driven down the same hunter's path of fame while defying their soul? Hollywood invited Joe in, but perhaps, his gift was tremendous but the cost was too deep. Find out why on Blogtalk radio Sunday night. Show listing below.

Preview to radio show Sunday night 1/22/11 at 7 p.m.

www.blogtalkradio.com/ernestradionetwork

I worked with Joe Runningfox on "Father, Save Your Skin" - a Native American Play about Ojibwe.

2010 20TEN LOVE & IMPACT, CONSEQUENTIAL MOMENTS

I wouldn't identify 2010 as a turbulent year. Loran & I went to Minnesota in Feb, 2010 which was a brief but nice trip. He got to know his cousins more. The house I was living in foreclosed around March but the landlords didn't bother to tell me until there was an inadvertent sign in their bedroom which was a room that lead to the laundry room. I qualified for low income housing in August by a stroke of luck and moved in by Sept. 7. However, on 8-14-2010, my father died which jumbled up my universe and timeline of thought, relationships and life spans. My father, elusive most of his life had a gentler quality these last few years but a girlfriend who barricaded an intimate relationship with us, his kids. I never felt like my father fully belonged to me. His mind was always on some distant shore or relishing some past pain from WWII, his brother's sudden death or the crippling effect of corporate life. Although he managed to retire by age 56, he had a downcast spirit about him his whole life. Anyways, my Fall 2010 was super busy. I worked 28 hours a week and atttended college full time. I also worked split shifts and often had to shuffle my son home between shifts. My son's school was 10 miles from work and 14 miles from home so I drove the golden triangle repeatedly. I became closer with the night staff and enjoyed the company of Joe A. and J.P. Mr. Walker's humour continues to challenge me and be more quick witted myself. Cindy and I have grown closer. Some of the teachers became more demanding and bossy but I learned how to deal with it. Overall, I really couldn't ask for a nicer staff. Needless to say, It is now December. My last hurdle was finishing up a few papers and I was finally relieved from work for three weeks and school for a month on Dec.18. I allowed myself some down time but notice I am driven to hyperness and errand running and constant activity. I went shopping 2 or 3 days but briefly. Shopping isn't really my thing. I spent more time getting cards together and pictures to send in them for Christmas. I had a lovely lunch this past week at the Good Earth restaurant, a throw back from the 70s. I know Minnesota had Good Earth stores of some kind with health food. I also started my own radio show this year with Ernest L. Sewell, one of my long term BFFs. I have had Pastor Ken Anderson, Bob Graf, Timothy and Nate Phelps on the show as well as featuring stories about Larry Rosebaugh's life, emotional conflict, Election 2000, Integrity, Athiesm, and Westboro Baptist Church and a few more. I hope you can join me for one of my broadcasts Sunday nights at 7 p.m. Its my new baby and I put a lot of work into it. I am also working on a novel and screenplay. More to be announced on those projects. Merry Christmas!!!! www.blogtalkradio.com/ernestradionetwork

Political Gravity with Jane Hoffman - Election 2010

Political Gravity with Jane Hoffman - Election 2010

Win or lose, we as a nation have lost as a whole.

If your faith in Obama is transient and your faith in a leader has an expiration date of two years, then you are not a faithful servant of American or its good.

Yes, I am talking extremes because the collective hatred by rightists toward Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton and the most recent trend towards Obama is institutionalized hatred.

I dare you to take a walk with me as Pink would say, down my road to redefining America to a point where it can recuperate from divisional hatred.

I DARE YOU to play the traditional foreign policy game of the prisoner's dilemma. You are the prisoner. You live and breathe in a place called Hate, better known as Modern Day America. Breathe love and you will expose Hate. Try to survive in the close minded world of the hate mongers - the Rush's, the Ann Coulters, the Sean Hannity's and the self exalted.

No room for pragmatists like Dennis Praeger or Larry Elder.

Its a two edged sword in the battle of extremes. You will get lessons on how to combat the lessons of poltical hate from the well endowed right wing media. And you will learn how to combat it through intellect, trust, compassion and absence of fear.

LISTEN IN SUNDAY NIGHTS AT 7 P.M CENTRAL TO POLITICAL GRAVITY WITH JANE HOFFMAN 347-989-1942

Between the intention and the delivery

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ernestradionetwork/2010/11/08/political-gravity-with-jane-hoffman If anyone knows anything about American politics, is that the ying and the yang are more like a boulder on top of hill, ready to fall on the lone bystander 300 feet down. The end will come as well as the beginning of new suffering. The Republican mantra is really about inflicting pain on others as well as absence of comfort. When you think about it, its like a Christian with conviction with no real love. Remember 1 Corinthians 13 - If I have have everything but no love, I am nothing. (paraphrased). The Republican is like the Pharisee, claiming their higher authority and looking down on anyone who lacks their frame of reference. So you want to end abortion but will condemn the woman who has the illegitimate child and accept public assistance. So you think national health care implementation is out of the scope of government and will cause destruction, yet you still tolerate illegal immigrants receiving free health care, welfare families getting free and subsidized health care vs. a system where everyone pays either through their company or individually and the health care is guaranteed. Where is the social good mantra? If the self righteous Republican, Christians included, want God and Jesus in government then you are going to have to implement the philosophy of Jesus into your daily lives and as a citizen of government. That means, you will have to give all you have to the poor as Jesus mandates, follow him by first giving up your material comfort, lay down your life for your brother, feed clothe and help your fellow man. That should be the sole mission of every Christian. Is to relieve the pain and suffering of others. For right wing Christians who want full entrance and authority in the public sphere which is inclusive of all factions of citizens including gays, pacifists, and socialists, supplementation for human needs must be met by provisional government. In other words, you cannot impress your own self imposed needs based models on the diverse citizenry. You must honor their definition of life, liberty and happiness? Are you up for the job? In 30 years, the Christian right has proven one thing. They are oppressive, elitists and not capable of reflecting Christ. They support wars where 21 yr olds die for bad foreign policy making. They support eliminating food stamps for the poor like in Wisconsin as Tommy Thompson did. They are non-compassionate. They are failures and fuelers of hatred. As a Christian on the left, I denounce their claim to exist morally in politics. I will refute the Christian right who has proven time over they do not reflect the only deity worth emanating: Jesus. Come follow me to the Christian left on blogtalk radio on the Ernest Radio Network and join the discussion Sunday nights from 7-8 p.m. Pacific: Political Gravity with Jane Hoffman 347-989-1942 When will the other shoe drop and America's lack of compassion and hatred result in real suffering? The way we treat our fellow citizens will bring judgment day to a rapid advancement on how God will handle Christians who spread hatred. Sean Hannity is the number one hate-monger and it is his mission to destroy Obama.