Saturday, May 16, 2009
My ability not to tolerate fueled all highs. She is there and not there. She is the wedge between my sister and my soul. She has a smudgy mirror to bear her own reflection. One time she sued a Texas University becuz her co-radio host mentioned the circumference of her ass on live radio. Another more distinguished public network fired her for retalitaiton. She is and she is not. She exists like a praying mantis set on ruining relationships, infiltrating lives, sabotaging people. She won't join the high school group on facebook but yet she will brag that she has loyalties to the home town she thinks she reinvented. She will spake Darla, Kim, Dennis in the spit of an eye and never praise anyone including her dissective Bff Betsey. She has betrayed all yet expects loyalty. Now she will have a class action representation of all people she hurt. And she will face her flaws and fears. She will fight for her lack of dignity which she has cojoled upon herself and she will end without her own version of self acceptance.
She returned from Iraq but I am weary to connect to her. Our relationship is jaded, misunderstood. That once peppy girl has turned into a Republican lump headed single minded entitity, only serving loyalty to the conservative cause and her husband. She acts giddy but know better. She haunts my days and dream. I am the generational aftereffect of her rejecting my mom and religion. She is no one I can no longer know. She is in between tours but outside of my range of understanding. She has gone military and been erased from the family circle. She is the unintended enemy raging over my life and consciousness. If she died tomorrow in Afghanistan, we would not have made our peace. What gates she would enter is unsure.