I have been able to trust in God

but probably moreso from the backside. Trusting, obeying, slipping into doubt at times. Is there a handicap score for living in the End Times? When I continued to battle a corporate guillotine operator over my past job performance, I was offered another job. A better organization, no politics, and a missionary permissible position meaning I am helping adults improve academicially. I am sharing few details in the possiblity the wrong people may read this. This job will allow me to work with young adults in the educational process who are struggling but want to succeed. I did not need to seek legitmacy through my former boss, Elizabeth, who has been nothing but cowardly the last year. She has forsaken God in her cowardness. I read a verse in 1 Corinthians 15 about cowardness and turning away from the Lord. What does it mean when people just choose over time not to believe in God? Daniel C. said its either a bad experience with their conception of God or just not a proper upbringing about who God is. I don't think we should limit people to their conception of God but once they become believers they must adhere to biblical precepts. Its part of the religion. In the case of my former boss, she has a 4 yr old who has leukemia. He has a great chance of surviving. But I know her disdain with God has something to do with this burden. I don't know if she specifically blames or hates God but she says things like "I have to go to the movies so I can escape my horrible life." I told her the night my daughter died, I felt a sense of overwrought guilt that I did not follow my path of faith more diligently. I didn't pray every night and beg God to keep my daughter alive. i often walked around in a half daze, wondering how my young daughter of 8 months could have cardiomyopothy and be on 6 meds a day? How could my daughter develop thrush and drop down to 14 lbs at 18 months? I empathize with Elizabeth's sense of godly abandonment. But I do not think she should wear her chosen brand of aethiesm as a badge or a default position that she will receive less pain in life just because she denies an after life. She is in a phase of confused anger and doubt. And yet she looks to herself, a mere mortal for the answers and strength. She has a stay at home husband who does a lot of the child rearing. They decided to have one parent stay home as they have a 2 yr old. But what if what if? What if her Tuesday night escape to the movies is not going to cushion her from a possible death of her son or a setback she will be unprepared for? What if her benign lack of confrontation on life's greatest questions and God's direct call for following him crumbles into a wishy washy non affirmation of his presence? What if her son lives and thrives and overcomes the disease fully? Will she thank him or just give a sigh of relief like some swinging metal ball missed her longeivity of life by two feet? What if her son has a prolonged illness with no prognosis and she sits in medical purgatory for years not knowing the outcome? Will she grow stronger or just fade? She has let her weight and health go as well and she is becoming more disabled every year. I had a dream she carried a cane and it kept getting in the way of the children....what if Elizabeth? what if your fear of failure and fear of criticism prevents you from understanding your lot in life and spiritual direction for finding a way out? This is a petition to the darkest corners of your soul.