I didn't exit Glitterland

I am remaining here to continue to my studies in teaching Social Studies at secondary level. Hope you all can deal with my transient permanency.

Well, It looks like Travis H got kicked off Facebook. I didn't know I was that much of a cardinal enemy of his that he would risk losing his social network over it. I do feel bad about it. I took a risk too by giving him a wake up call over one cryptic email but I never expected him to go ballistic on me. We have a lot of mutual friends. I hope you have let it go, Travis becuz you have a lot of gifts and a great mind, and it wasn't worth the fighting in the end....was it? I hope his grandparents are okay....

Well I have to go now. I am at the neighbors and we are having a fiesta.

Conversion

Conversion of life into
conversion of light
getting the message out
the message they could not receive
deaf ears fell upon mute lips
muted ears veiled with transparency
caught between quicksand of
misinterpreted fears
shouting then whispering
repenting with spears
thickets of wood in the cusp of your hand
plucked out for bleeding
on dry, teathered flesh
of your unrefined grace
caught in the crossfire
of your condemnation
unredeemed sources took a toll
from your staking
misguided hearts in the battle of saints
displaced soldiers to battle your rage
locked up insecurities linger in your cage
rewriting chapters to the sanscript page
looking for forgiveness
never finding your place.

Friendship with the world is enmity with God - James 4

Who art thou who judgest another?
What is your life...it is even a vapor that appeareth for a little time...and then vanisheth away...if the Lord will...we should do this or that......for him to knoweth good and doeth it not....for him it is sin....James 4

The coming of the Lord draweth nigh.....James 5

Let your yeah be yeah and your nay be nay that ye may not fall under condemnation. James 5

Following God is a day by day thing. We cannot always know God's immediate plan for us. I did have a desire to escape...this L.A. life....but it was due to weather, crowds, traffic and many factors....I know I can equally serve God in Minnesota but God has deemed it more favorable that I serve him here. God has prevented my depature in three ways. He opened up an opportunity for me to enter the teaching program at Csun, he plagued me with a back problem within the few days I was supposed to move,....he allowed my computer to break at about the time I felt chained to it, during a fight with a former friend....it was a way to terminate the dissension and let it rest. I had to find other ways to get on the computer to job hunt and seek opportunities. Now I am bonded to Jury duty also and I am asking for a long term assignment so I can fufill my financial obligations thru August. Well, I am going back to listen to the audio Bible. Bloom where you are planted. I want to be a preacher.

For the Record

I dont care about the HC family anymore except one family member. Its over and done with. Our life philosophy splintered us. HC's mom is aggressive and forlorn all at the same time. I have removed myself from people who aggrandize their roots in secular form. I don't care and I no longer respect him....I think he was nice when I knew him but not sincere. Stop pulling your bff into this. You are just looking for a strange sort of sympathy. I am sorry you didn't see my perspective but let it go now. Too much time has passed.

Raging against the light

I am raging against the darkness and light
fighting time fighting structure
interuupting intervals
creating excitement between the mundane fortresses of my journey
pushing aside practicality for totality

I have had conflict in my life recently.
Unbelievers, doubtful family members
splintered gene pools
lost ideals
recessive role models
and yet better people have come to bat
Wendy, Andrew, Julie and Teresa
people who generate life and not destroy it

while...my brother sits at a pre paid campsite
and codes that as his destiny
never wondering what else he could be

and he sucks at conciliator
he's no Barack Obama
he's a pre emptive Bush mute
unable to verbalize his inner warfare
his battle plan
or even define his enemy.
He is too simple to even examine.
Take another swing and you may get one out of the park
as they say in Spanish
lerdo

The end will come forcefully due to lack of forgiveness

My ability not to tolerate fueled all highs. She is there and not there. She is the wedge between my sister and my soul. She has a smudgy mirror to bear her own reflection. One time she sued a Texas University becuz her co-radio host mentioned the circumference of her ass on live radio. Another more distinguished public network fired her for retalitaiton. She is and she is not. She exists like a praying mantis set on ruining relationships, infiltrating lives, sabotaging people. She won't join the high school group on facebook but yet she will brag that she has loyalties to the home town she thinks she reinvented. She will spake Darla, Kim, Dennis in the spit of an eye and never praise anyone including her dissective Bff Betsey. She has betrayed all yet expects loyalty. Now she will have a class action representation of all people she hurt. And she will face her flaws and fears. She will fight for her lack of dignity which she has cojoled upon herself and she will end without her own version of self acceptance.

Death watch on Iraqi soldier

She returned from Iraq but I am weary to connect to her. Our relationship is jaded, misunderstood. That once peppy girl has turned into a Republican lump headed single minded entitity, only serving loyalty to the conservative cause and her husband. She acts giddy but know better. She haunts my days and dream. I am the generational aftereffect of her rejecting my mom and religion. She is no one I can no longer know. She is in between tours but outside of my range of understanding. She has gone military and been erased from the family circle. She is the unintended enemy raging over my life and consciousness. If she died tomorrow in Afghanistan, we would not have made our peace. What gates she would enter is unsure.