Jack in the Box redeemed themselves

A nice lady called today and offered to send me a gift certificate in lieu of my bad experience there. More on this later.

Saved by the man with the white pony tail.

Between the black and white world of corporate pirahnas, fish feeding comparisons and performance output, I met a Bohemian dude with a pony tail and naturally aged whiten hair to round off my week. He is my supervisor's supervisor and has more class, kindness and finesse than any of the corporate pitbulls I have dealt with all week. He made promises and commitments to get to the bottom of "it." He was a well wisher, a good listener and ended the meeting with the phrase "Ciao." He didn't have an agenda. He didn't pre judge the situation. He just took it all in. I erased my last blog becuz it was leftover anger from the clash of personalites and incomplete blanks of faces, facts and power. My new friend exercised no mismanaged power, didn't even seem to possess it - he instead have a calm authority, a corner office with comfort and a tinge of afternoon darkness over a pre empted Christmas holiday week. He had compassion that the other Non profit lacks. Most of all, he had wisdom to seek not to speak and his eyes gave assurance in the same way as Jesus and St. Claus. I feel I am being led down a new path, away from the haters and those who don't even question. Who assume and wish for the mess to remain just spilled on the terrain.

From here to eternity

It has really been a tedious weekend and all. I wrote three papers. Two papers were for history - the Salton Sea and John Muir. The other paper was an analytical one involving a student at my middle school. I have really had a tormented decision making process about going back to the tundra for Christmas. I did not reserve the big check that I recvd. Nov 6 and manage my money perfectly right. Now I am struggling again, I have enuff savings but I dont want to be pinching pennies in MN. Needless to say, the struggle continues btwn. the significance of my son's father and the role his family plays. They are supportive of me when I come, but due to my lifestyle and finances, I don't really owe them a visit if its going to cramp my lifestyle. Well, its really too depressing to think about but I have to be realistic. I hope it all works out in the end.

Sexual Rehab TV Show

When I first heard they were doing a tv show w Dr. Drew on Sex Rehab I kind of thought, how indulgent. But then when I watched it last night, I realized how many people in this country have fallen in traps of sexual addiction either to remedy themselves, prove their worth, or pure lack of moral values. One rock star guy had sex with 3,000 women over a 3 yr period. Sex was just a casual ritual, he probably didn't even know half their names. Another girl who was Miss Teen USA was molested from age 5 to 7 and couldn't answer any honest questions about herself. She was really a tragic figure who seemed mentally suppressed. Besides clinical help, people need to find God's will for their life and how God values them. They can never learn that from therapy alone. They were tricked by Satan and the world that indulging in pleasures will make you more valid or popular. Some of them do not even have one true friend such as Miss Teen USA who said she had 90 names on her phone and couldn't call anyone for help. American society is really fucked up to create such fragile people such of these who are pursuing fame, relishing fame and abusing fame. They are all celebs on the show who have fallen in Satan's trap and someone needs to show them pure love.

Its..............Branden's..........Birthday

He is 29 now, on the cusp of real adulthood but he is still wrapped up with childish desires. His mantra is Dodger mania, sexual fantasy....I am so different from him I realized. Sports is a healthy enuff outlet but its shallow, its not the foundation of life. I am goal oriented and have a salvation complex...I am no longer going to pick romantic partners based on my saviour complex.

Loran's dad is back in the picture and I will honor that. We will either spend a year in Liberia or he will fly back here. Time will tell.

Neglecting this page/journal writing

I feel that I have neglected my blogger page and I really have so much to tell. This blogger page is different than my my space page or even Facebook Notes. This page is a representation of who I am as a person. It combines my philosophical beliefs about religion, government, international politics as well as my personal journey as a middle aged woman from the Midwest to California.


I have had an identity crisis the last year and a half or so. My id/ego has wanted to retransport back to the Midwest but circumstances and God's divine will has not allowed that. California has benefitted me in a way that has been backhanded in a sense. Every time something else fell through with my plans, God showed me a reason for continuing to stay here. I have good public assistance which is now occupationally oriented. I am no longer on cash aid but get support because I am working for transportation and other misc. items. Anyways, God did allow me to wait it out and everything came together to be enrolled in the teaching program which is a long, arduous process. You have to clearance by the state, you have to pass a few tests,....I already had my references....there are some other hurdles as well. Csun didn't accept us till the week before school and it was a bitch getting our financial aid underway. I hadn't even officially re applied to the university, how stupid of me. I finally got my financial aid on Sept. 18, and it allowed me to pay off two credit cards, my life insurance and my sons and other extenuating bills.

Well, my son has the flu today....hopefully not the swine flu.....and I have to go make him toast. Over and out.

General Thoughts

Well, its Monday and I am slowly swimming back into humanity. I have four papers to write 2nite...which I forgot about it. They are all for one class. This weekend was a whirlwind....Friday night I went to the Michael Moore movie....then ate at a friend at Dennys till 3....Saturday I took Loran, Blake to movies and ran errands then picked up Christina in the Valley to go help celebrate Ken's birthday. Xtina never saw Joan's apt. Then I had to feed the church Sunday and spent $117....got a few other things............then I had to go back To San Pedro and watched Desp Housewives with Joan. I don't really like driving that much anymore. I get super stressed if I have to drive too much. It was nice seeing Christina....She lives in a nice neighborhood. Ken enjoyed himself. My lunch break is over... got to run.

aI did have a falling out with Rownik and I feel I made the right decision even if she doesn't agree to it. That's life. I have to cut my losses if things are not manifesting in a puritan way.